You used to feel so connected, but now, you can't see eye to eye.
Once you notice you feel disconnected from your partner, it can feel impossible to sort out. You know that the fight about how to properly load the dishwasher is way deeper than that, but one (or both) of you is too scared to ask. You'd love to be able to just sit and enjoy each other's company again, but so much is getting in the way: family, overthinking, resentment, and pain.
Therapy can offer you both a safe space to discuss what needs repairing and find your way back to connection.
Couples counselling might be for you if these sound familiar…
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Arguments are becoming more common than peaceful moments together
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One or both of you feel(s) frequently misunderstood
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Plans get cancelled or forgotten because you're busy fighting
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You feel like you've lost touch with each other's hopes and dreams
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One of you wishes you could just move on after disagreements while the other insists on talking everything through
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You know your partner needs more support, but you don't know how to offer it
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You both agree that something needs changing*
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If nothing changed in 5 years, you'd feel disappointed
*If not, individual counselling is recommended instead for the person desiring change.
How Couples Counselling Can Help
During your first session, I'll meet with you and your partner to discuss the current state and history of your relationship. We'll also form goals for counselling and review the unique limits of confidentiality within couples counselling.
Each partner will then meet with me for their own individual session. We'll use that time to explore in-depth how each of your emotional and relationship histories may have had an impact on your current relationship dynamics. When we return to couples sessions, we'll begin to work on building a better connection.
As sessions continue, insight and in-the-moment guidance can help you restore goodwill for each other as well as practice new ways to talk about your differences without losing touch with your connection.
Frequently Asked Questions
Couples Counselling
How is confidentiality different in couples counselling?
In couples counselling, I treat the relationship as my client, rather than the individuals in it. This means that I do not keep secrets for a partner, but will instead create conditions for honesty and transparency about previous dishonesty.
Should I book a 90 minute session? Or will 60 minutes be enough?
60 minutes is the standard length for individual therapy sessions, so 90 minutes is recommended in order to give both partners a better chance at being heard. That being said, 60 minutes can be plenty for fast talkers and those with busier schedules.
Is your approach queer-friendly?
Yes! I draw from Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy as well as Gottman Therapy in my practice. Both clinical orientations have been practiced with and are based on research that includes queer couples.
I am also in a queer relationship, and am continuously seeking opportunities for professional development to further my understanding of LGBTQIA2S+ experiences outside of my own. You'll find me listed on Rainbow Health Ontario's Service Provider directory.